sext: this black hoodie makes me look like a punk witch. i just drew a pentagram in my ramen with sriracha. come over and listen to arctic monkeys and do drugs with me?
A man and his wife are having sex. As he reaches his climax, he yells out, “I’M COMING HONEY.” The man realizes his mistake as honey pours out of his penis. He never forgot a comma again.
instead of taking birth control you can have sex at night bc the sperm are asleep + you won’t get pregnant
Are you a U.S. senator?
- Confucius 479 BCE (via jennycash)
Homer and Lisa’s relationship is one of my favourite things ever. He spent this entire episode trying to convince Lisa that she was beautiful, and he insisted to Marge that he wasn’t just saying it as a father, he genuinely believed that Lisa was the most beautiful girl in the world. Not to mention the fact that this episode ripped the shit out of the idea of child beauty pageants and how the self esteem of girl’s is diminished in general.
- Carl Sagan (via observando)
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they all have 45020194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 14:23PM on 23/04/2007